earlybloomingparentheses

I had two episodes left of season 3 of The Magicians when I found out, last night, about the season 4 finale (and then immediately went on dreamwidth to see what the people I trust had to say about it, and, yikes). Ironically, I had just given myself a talking to about how it was weird that I was not letting myself get fully emotionally invested in The Magicians because while the show can be a bit of a mess and doesn't always do a great job with stuff, on the whole, it seemed not to be on track to do anything super shitty/emotionally devastating.

ha ha ha

And I'm...confused, a little? Definitely by what happened given the trajectory and philosophy of the show so far, but also by feeling like I'm grieving, to some extent? Considering that I have withheld deep emotional attachment to the show. Given that I've been watching it fairly slowly and have not even finished season 3, let alone seen the finale of season 4. And confused because...is this...really...still...happening? Like, I think I'm pretty realistic about how 

( okay okay let's do a cut for spoilers )

Anyway, now I'm just flopping around feeling sad and let down, largely, I think, because I have been looking for a show to get into that's still airing and lol that was a bad choice. Maybe I'll rewatch season 1 of Killing Eve, which I did like but didn't get super invested in, but I'm really here for ensemble shows...sigh. (RIP Orphan Black, and Hannibal, and Black Sails.) I didn't really need to ramble on about this--I think I thought I'd say something thoughtful and eloquent about grief and television shows and queer detachment and attachment or something but blehhhhhhhhhh

is really my takeaway.